That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
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You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
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I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I love you. Go after that dick
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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