Your tits are I can't wait for
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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