I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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