You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
