After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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