Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
