I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
