dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
