Kareoke will never be a sober sport
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
