I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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