OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
