So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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