She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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