I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
