I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Farmville is her only friend.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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