need another drink. this is the easiest way
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
