I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
