I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
