I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize