By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
