508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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