so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
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After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
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Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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