Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
