I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
