It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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