If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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