who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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