Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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