Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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