This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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