We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
