Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
