How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
