If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
