Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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