I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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