All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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