turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
