I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
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