dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
