Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize