If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
