I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
...so i touched it.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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