Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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