That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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