I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
