Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
