We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
