so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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