i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
