so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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