Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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