Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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