tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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