i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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