If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
