I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I deserve this hangover.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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