Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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