you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just found puke in my bra..
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
