i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
