maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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