I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
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Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
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For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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