so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
