After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
