shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
