Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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