Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Randomize
