He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
