Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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