In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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