I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
