I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I cut my penus on the lid.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
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