remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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