I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
